Dear George Lucas: Thank you for ruining Star Wars for me

I was pondering nerdy things today and feeling superior to "Potterheads," when I flashed back to my teenage years as a Star Wars geek.

At least until I dragged my parents to see Phantom Menace. (Sorry, Mom and Dad. I am truly sorry you had to see that.)

It's been over 10 years since I saw that piece of crap, but it still pisses me off and makes me resent the rest of the series. Don't argue with me, because here is the list of why these newer movies are such a shitfest (and thus why I can't go back to the Star Wars universe):

5.Yoda kicking ass
For real? The 900-year-old green mentor who can barely hobble to and from his Dagobah cave can, only 20 years prior, kick ass like Jet Lee on wires? Really? Did Lucas forget about how decrepit this old Jedi was? Just because he's transformed from lovable muppet to CGI doesn't mean you can take liberties with his abilities. He's still an old man/thing/muppet.

4. No muppets
I'll give you Ewoks. People seem to hate those little guys. But Yoda was once a muppet and it was cool, and in no way affected the storyline.

3. Natalie Portman giving the blandest performance of her life
And that's not the only problem. The older movies were successful because of the comraderie and chemistry between the characters. I don't see the love between Anakin and Padme; in fact, I think she got pregnant after shaking his hand.

2. Hayden Christenson turning Darth Vader into a little bitch
Vader was bad ass. Hayden Christenson is a little boy-band bitch. There are so many better young actors who could have run with that role and balanced the "troubled young Jedi" with "dark overlord of the Empire.

1. Where are all the Wookiees?
I don't want to live in an imaginery Star Wars world were Wookiees are only minor characters. I just can't abide it. Give me Chewie, or give me nothing.